of girlfriends and lovers

our son is suddenly interested in girl-friends. he's all of 7.5!

it happened at the dining table and in the middle of his description of some arcane cricket fundas. he suddenly asks his mother, 'mom, who is a girlfriend? isn't it just a friend who's a girl? thats what i told k (another boy in the complex who's one year older) but he told me that a girlfriend is someone you love'! before the big boss could allow this to sink in and collect her wits to come up with some meaningful response, he had already moved on and was asking her if she knew who played 6 down after chaminda vaas the sri-lankan one day cricket team!

big boss and i looked at each other and raised eye-brows :)

he brought it up with her again soon after. and asked her the same question. he's also been getting curious lately about marriage!

this time the big boss was much better prepared and she patiently explained to him that he was right when he said that girlfriends are only friends who happen to be girls. but once people get to a marriageable age, then they might develop a special relationship with a girlfriend and then want to marry her. this explanation seems to have resolved whatever doubts he had internally because he is now back to his non-stop chatter about all things cricket!

i have this theory (actually everybody has the same theory, so its no big deal!) that girls grow much faster and are a lot smarter than guys at that (its a different matter that they remain smarter for the rest of their lives. but thats not the point i am making here, so don't bring it up and confuse the issue here). and i saw concrete evidence of this fact in the same week the above conversation took place.

i saw two young girls, who are my son's age, playing badminton while i was on my way to the garden in our complex. i saw them suddenly stop, point, whisper and giggle. i innocently asked them what they were up to. one of them, without missing a beat, said 'nothing uncle' (please ignore the 'uncle' reference here) and moved away. the second came up to me and said in a conspirational tone, 'we were looking at that boyfriend and girlfriend. we see all of them but watch from a distance.'

that's when it hit me that these girls were aeons ahead of my son (and i think this would true of most boys of his age) about their understanding of friends and lovers and the distinction.

am i sleep deprived?

i think i must be 'sleep-deprived'!

no i don't draw this conclusion based on my the intelligence levels of my conversations or the topics of my posts. but most people tell me that i must be sleep-deprived. but for most part of my life (which is quite a bit.... but i am not about to tell you) i have always been up so late that i'm convinced that i'm a direct descendant of an owl!

staying up until 1 or 2 am everyday was understandable during your college days which meant that you were carefree and footloose. either that or you were up pining for some girl in college and you were sitting up all night scheming on how you are going to pass on your 'love letter' to her the next day! you did this for a couple of weeks after which the letter seemed a bit lame and so you drafted another passionate one and then fretted all over again... you get the picture?

but i still stay up till 12.30-1 am, on an average. and no i am not writing 'love letters' and scheming! i am usually writing such posts or watching some movie or reading a book.

but what gets my 'big boss'' goat (actually many things get her goat, this being only one of them :P) is that when i have to read a bed-time story to my kids i doze off mid-way into the story! it is such a chronic problem that my kids protest violently when i suggest that i read them a bed-time story! they believe that their mom is the best story-reader in the world (apart from being the best mom/cook/masseur/doctor/hugger/kisser/...).

but she's not easily fooled. she's convinced that i've purposely and very carefully built this image that i suck as far as story-reading goes.

but that's not true at all.... in fact i think i have cracked the problem. the point is, the minute my head hits the pillow i feel drowsy! i think i should put this theory to test and try doing it differently.

will keep you all posted :)

am i daddy blogger?

am i a 'daddy blogger'? or are they called 'papa bloggers'? (some, who are not very particular about being politically correct, might call them soppy, middle-aged men dealing with a combination problem of a mid-life crisis and premature balding!)

when i look around in the blogospehere i notice that there are quite a few 'mommy bloggers' out there. so now i know about kids taking their first step, the kiddies day out, the tantrums, and so many other life-enriching details of kids and their moms. some of these 'supermoms' also maintain multiple blogs with one focused only on their kid. and they are maintaining these blogs in the midst of juggling with career, home, kids, family, extended families, pets, hobbies and so much more. (i have this hypothesis that most blogs dedicated to specific kids are maintained by moms with single kids. is this true?)

but i don't see too many 'daddy bloggers'. i mean, there are many male bloggers out there. but then we men are all busy saving the world, analysing the stock markets, dishing out economic theories, discussing the relative merits of new phone/car/laptop models. you know, the usual stuff. our wives are worrying about small details like bringing up kids, schooling them, managing the household, balancing the domestic budget; while we are busy worrying about the fiscal budget, global oil prices, global warming, the US presidential elections and such-like weighty matters.

and have you noticed how most mommy bloggers have some kind of sisterhood of their own. i don't know of any such brotherhood of male bloggers (and i don't think tys' and my new cult initiative with our membership of one each counts)! but have you also noticed how mommy bloggers have a legion of fan followers (and not all the fans are mommys or women either!)? so its not only the single lady bloggers who have scores of lascivious male followers posting appreciative comments and trying to sound intellectual and humorous at the same time. (again, tys and i are excused because we are only trying to woo members into our cult. ladies, did i mention earlier, but membership is free for you for a limited period only? and the limited period expires as soon as i get 100 lady members! that would ensure i also have about 1000 faithful male members too! :P)

but i must confess here that i do tend to keep waxing eloquent about my kids on my blog at every opportunity. which is very often. does that make me a soppy, balding, middle-aged guy who's fast approaching mid-life crisis? maybe. (well actually, yes.)

but the learnings and experiences that i have gained from my kids is something that i would never have had otherwise. and i am leading a happier, fuller life. thanks to them. and if i am called a 'daddy blogger' because of my irrational need to share this with the world at large and get my dose of daily attention and adulation, i think its a small price to pay :)

p.s. let me clarify, at the grave risk of losing many potential lady members, that the pic i have inserted in this post is not mine :(

bob's my uncle!

a friend recently shared this very interesting observation. and it hit me when i thought about it. and i'm sure it will hit you as well :-)

we were talking about the recent trend of many recently married couples who willingly choose not to have children or to have only a single child. earlier i had written a post about the benefits of having at least two kids - the second solution!

my friend then said that we will soon have a significant number of kids who will not have brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, no brothers-in-law or sisters-in-law, no co-brothers or co-sisters, and so on and so forth! and as this trend continues it will be even more stark.

most kids will only have theoretical knowledge about such relationships and will not be able to understand what these actually mean in real life. in fact, over time, they would start wondering whether such people and such relationships actually existed!

i guess it would be similar to our understanding of kings and queens and dinosaurs too!?

such kids would lose out on the joys of visiting relatives, vacationing with cousins, the scores of marriages in the family which are usually an excuse to fix some more marriages and also have a feast with good food and the company of near and distant family for a comfortably short period of time!

i wonder what fond memories the children in the future would have

the 'second' solution

this post is about the eternal debate that married people have about the pros and cons of having (or not having) a second kid. which basically means that you are forewarned not to attempt reading this during meal-times and definitely not if you are a queasy types when it comes to descriptions of bodily excretions of children!

let me share my personal experience. i remember when we had prasann, we never had any idea about a second kid. for us having prasann was a great fulfilment in itself. and we were both, as most single kid parents of the 21st century are wont to, kept on our toes trying to be ideal parents to our only child.

this meant a lot visits to the paediatrician, discussing diets, planning quality inputs, worrying about social interaction, the best play schools, et al. apart from his regular paediatrician visits, we used to regularly call a very senior paediatrician, dr. madhuriben sheth, (who is also a very dear family friend).

in fact whenever prasann was under the weather or passed stools which were not of the regular color or consistency we would promptly call madhuriben and ask her for her advise. most of the time her advise would mean just relaxing and waiting until the suspected affliction passed. and without fail she would also tell us that the solution to all the problems was to have a second child.

in fact we had thought that when we had a kid we would have effectively got rid of friends/family/acquaintance/strangers enquiring when we were planning a 'family'! we found out that having a child did not stop people asking us if and when we were planning an addition to the family!

eventually, we did have our second child - sunanda. and we realised soon enough, how true and sage madhuriben's advise was. and when we looked around we saw the stark difference between single-kid parents and the others with more than one kid. here's my laundry-list of the differences i could see (i'm sure you would agree/disagree depending on which side of the fence you are on) :

1. parents of multiple-kids seem to be more 'cool' about their kids.

2. they seem to be far more accepting of their kids' achievements or lack of them.

3. they seem to be far less aggressive about their kids vis-a-vis other parents, teachers, grand-parents, etc.

4. they seem to be of the view that the kids would largely take care of themselves and do not need to be guided and managed all the time.

5. they manage their careers/ hobbies/ other activities with far less guilt about leaving their kids at day-care centres or creches.

6. and they finally realise that their love for the kids doesn't get divided by the number of kids they have; instead it multiplies adequately to ensure that each kid feels loved and secure.

i do realise that this does seem to be a very biased view presented here. but this is how i honestly feel and what i have actually experienced. (and we haven't called madhuriben for a very long time!)

but i would love to hear views from the 'other' side too!

i used to be a rolling stone!

no i don't mean i was part of the band... nor do i mean i was a fan. (i discovered the rolling stones only late in college.) as for the actual meaning of the phrase, well that came even later. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rolling%20stone)

when i was carefree, footloose, reckless and single, but not necessarily happier than i am today, i realised that i was a perfect specimen for the term 'a rolling stone'. and i took some kind of pride about this 'state of being'.

i could drift in and out and away from relationships with ease, i never got too close to people, i didn't need friends, but i could make new friends at every new place we moved to, etc.

and then i got married! and soon kids followed.

to say that life changed drastically would be an understatement :-)

i can unabashedly say today that i have never felt as attached to anybody in my whole life as i feel to my kids! you would assume that i should have felt tied down or claustrophobic or like having my wings clipped. on the contrary! i have never felt as complete, as free and as content in my life before.

i say to all of you people out there who are on the fence about marriage or about having kids after marriage - take a deep breath and jump aboard. you will never regret it!

some might say that you will not have any time to realise the blunder since you will be so busy running errands, making up more than making out, changing nappies, reading bed-time stories and all that.

but once you are in it you realise that these are all pegs which are driving you deeper into solid ground and at the same time, helping you soar into the sky, freer than the king of the eagles!

thank god for children! and thank god for the mothers who beget the children who in turn make you a truly complete man!

evidence of reincarnation

here's the ultimate evidence to prove the theory of reincarnation beyond any doubt - my own kids!

my son, prasann, is going to turn 7 in october. after my daughter, sunanda, who completed 3 in may, was born, we suddenly realised how much of an angel our son is :-)

(click one of the following links to see their pic - http://picasaweb.google.com/ckguruprasad/TripToMahabaleshwar/photo#5063979959940848338
http://picasaweb.google.com/ckguruprasad/Picsmar2006/photo#5008812688469998018)

prasann and sunanda are as similar as chalk and cheese.

1. prasann might protest vehemently, but will not do anything that he is not supposed to unless he has got permission from his mother. (he knows who's the boss at home!)

but sunanda will stare her mother in the eye and continue to do what she pleases.

2. prasann is not a very social person. he would rather sit and watch a movie, or play a computer game, or go through some car magazines than go out and play with the other kids.

sunanda prefers to stay out or go to her friend's house than come home on her way back from her 'day care centre'.

3. prasann can't stand the sight of fruits. he just about manages to eat some mangoes (the alphonso variety). he eats without a fuss but is quite choosy about his food and rarely experiments.

sunanda likes fruits and is quite game to try out some new variety of fruit even if it doesn't look very appealing. she would take a bite of whatever it is that we are eating, diplomatically say it is good, and then politely decline another serving.

4. prasann is currently into his 'cars' phase. this was preceded by planes, trains, auto-rickshaws, and cooking utensils.

sunanda never went through any of these phases. she prefers books, puzzles, animals.

5. prasann is deeply influenced by religious practices and he instinctively prostrates to swamis & brahmacharis (monks).

sunanda does not quite the like the idea of doing this at all, nor does she feel any pressure to ape her brother.

6. and the clinching evidence is displayed in full glory at the dining table. after prasann finishes his meal, which usually ends with a generous serving of curd-rice (here's the recipe - http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/3925/recipe_rice_15.html), you would not be blamed if you assumed that a mini-typhoon hit his plate which also smacked his face while retreating! the effects can be seen over a significant radius beyond his plate.
and sunanda, the way she expertly handles the cutlery, can be easily mistaken for someone the 'brits' left behind when they departed indian shores. she is neat, meticulous and a dainty eater.

all of us have our own views about reincarnation. but most parents with more than one child will agree that our children make us pause and wonder about this theory, if convince us about it!

schools - the great levelers

we mumbaikars woke up one morning to see the front page of the mumbai mirror screaming "Pissed off dad buys school for his kids" (you can read the full article here - http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmpaper.aspx?page=article§id=15&contentid=200705250227128596aece596)

now, the mumbai mirror is not the kind of fare you would like to start your day with. but a headline like this demanded attention. especially for most people who are trying to get their young kids admitted in decent educational institutions.

most mumbaikars will agree that in mumbai it is easier to get invited to abhishek and aishwarya's wedding (http://www.rediff.com/movies/ashabhiwed.html) than to get your child admitted into a school of your choice! and for most people, no matter how important the whole world thinks you are, the entire admission process is a very humbling experience.

you learn early on in the process that you have to be ingratiatingly polite and smile at everyone in the school right from the 'chowkidar' (guard) at the gate to the all-important admissions coordinator who decides whether your admission form makes it to the short short-list or to the huge pile of rejects. that's assuming you have managed to get the admission form in the first place!

and if you are one among the majority with a reject letter in your hand (that's assuming the school has deigned to send you one) you dare not ask for reasons. you might believe that your child is god's gift to humanity but the school reserves the right to 'pooh pooh' your belief. in fact in most schools you would not even be able to get an audience with anybody in the school who matters. and even if you manage to meet someone, you can expect the person to feel mighty offended that you choose to question their evaluation process.

in fact the ego-crushing experience that the parents go through at most 'sought after' schools is so common that if any of the schools deviate from this attitude you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with the school.

after going through such an experience the reaction of people tends to differ widely -
1. some decide to buy the schools just to 'show them' and get back!
2. some are so relieved when they get the admission that they just want to forget the whole experience and move on in life. (some even undertake pilgrimages to the religious sites that they had promised to visit if they get the coveted admissions.)
3. some sagely analyse the situation to be a 'demand supply mismatch' problem and that this is something that one has to go through.
4. and then there are those few who truly believe that, in the long run, it doesn't really matter which school your child goes to.

and this is so very true. if we look at ourselves and people around us we see that most people shine brilliantly in life, irrespective of how good or bad their schools were. we personally know of so many great achievers who are from vernacular schools or municipal schools where we would never even think of admitting our children into. (i'd like to mention here that i am not, even for a moment, suggesting that it is not important to plan your child's education!)

i think it finally boils down to our own false notions, confusions and insecurities that reflect in the way we tackle this activity. we create these situations for ourselves by firmly believing that our children will get the best education only if they get admitted into a specific school. but education is not only about the 'pedigree' of the institution. there are so many other aspects that go into making for complete education.

do you agree?

"Don't just invest 'on' the child, also invest 'in' the child!" - Sw. Chinmayananda.

our new-age children!

bringing up children today in today's world is definitely not child's play. when i think back to my childhood days (which is too far back for comfort) it seems as if i had a fairly easy time growing up and had a ball while at it! (some people might remark here that it definitely shows in the way i've grown up... and not in a generous sense :-) ).

let me list out a few things that starkly bring out the differences between our own childhood and that of our kids today -

1. i learnt to swim in a 'nalah' or an irrigation canal, where a friend taught me how to breathe and stay afloat. we used to have a whale of a time during our vacations where a group of enthusiasts used to travel on our bicycles to this nalah next to the empress garden in pune. i was in the 7th or 8th standard/grade then.
my son started his swimming classes right from his play school days. he agonises over it, refuses to let go of his floats and kick-board, knows all about various strokes, and takes a shower before and after he's done with the swimming session.

2. i used to walk to school and back with a gang of neighbourhood friends. i would look forward to school each day just for this walk. each day used to be a new adventure. and then when i reached secondary school (6th standard/grade) we used to drive our bicycles to school. which gave us a whole new sense of freedom!
kids go to school by the school bus and i doubt if most would ever ride their own bicycles to school.

3. i never attended any hobby/activity classes till my 9th standard/grade. i used to be part of the school choir and was also on stage every year for plays, dances, choir-singing, etc. once we got back from school our time was occupied with completing our home-work and playing scores of games with all the neighbourhood friends.
kids today attend all kinds of classes almost every day of the week. these include music (instrumental & vocal), dancing, chess, karate, swimming, art, etc.

4. during our summer vacations we used to travel to someplace within india or to our own native place (where my parents were born). we used to travel second class, bear the brain-sapping summer heat, and reach our destinations grimy and smelly. but the journey would always be memorable and fun! (i never travelled in an aircraft till i was 23.) and all the local travelling at these places was usually by whatever public transportation was available.
kids nowadays usually vacation abroad. travelling by flight is fairly de rigeur, even within india. public transportation is largely avoided.

5. toys and books were rare luxuries which we got for some special occasion like birthdays or doing well in an exam. (similarly, eating out was a rare treat!) we climbed trees, made up our own games, caught fish in bottles in nearby streams, made mud-castles, got wet in the rains, ...
most kids today have more toys than they can remember. eating out with friends and family is a very frequent phenomenon! they play games on their x-box, don't play in the mud or get wet in the rains, have never climbed trees, easily get bored in spite of all the games/toys they have, ....


don't get me wrong. i am in no way advocating that we deprive our children of all the good things they are getting exposed to.

but i somehow can't help feeling i had loads more fun when i was my son's age. do you feel the same? any answers why? and i feel, we ourselves are to blame... do you agree?

everybody was once a stranger!

if you think about it, every person you know today was a stranger once! every person you know from the day you started becoming concious of yourself as different from the people around you, from the day you became aware of your own identity, was a stranger to begin with.

and this is true whether the person is your best friend, your spouse, your relative, your acquaintance, your colleague, your teacher, almost everybody you can think of.

even your parents were strangers as far as you are concerned till you became aware of them and accepted them as your parents. (how do you know they have not adopted you and raised you as their own child?)

the only people who do not start as strangers from your perspective are your own children. you know them from the moment they are born. you don't need to be introduced to them, you don't need to get to know them and start accepting them within your circle of 'known' people. they become part of your life from the moment they arrive. no, they become part of your life even before they are born!

your child is not a stranger to you as much as your reflection in the mirror is not a stranger to you!

do you agree, my friend-who-was-once-a-stranger?