playing games

waiting is a game

played alone.

waiting is not what i am built for,

redemption is all i seek.

but i need it here and now

and i have no patience

for the promises of eternity

in the after-life!

of girlfriends & lovers - II

big boss's colleague narrated this anecdote to her (which she in turn related to me, and i am now relating to you!)

his son, who's in the sixth grade, was waiting for him to come back from office because he wanted to tell him something. and this was apparently one of the first times he wanted to share it with his father and not his mother!

he then explained that one of the boys in his class had proposed to a girl in the same class that day. and he went on to add that this boy (let's call him P for proposer, for clarity) was part of his (and we'll call him S, as in colleague's son) group. all the groups members had helped him write out his 'love note'. so it was some kind of communal effort with the entire group trying to play cupid.

then came the issue of belling the cat, viz. reaching the note to the object of his desire (let's call her O). now P might have wanted his romantic correspondence to reach O but he was not so that he would want to hand it over himself.

so now for the messenger they requested a girl (and lets call her M) from the same group to do the needful. i guess they must have impressed upon her that it was her bounden duty as a group member to do such tasks for the sake of the emotional well-being of another groupie.

so M went and dutifully handed over the note to O. but the story doesn't end there! M then proceeded to go up to the class teacher and inform her about what had just transpired! :P

we can only imagine what P and O would have gone through! but the teacher apparently did not make too much of a fuss about this incident and only told the entire class that they have enough time for such pursuits later on in life. and that it would be far more sensible to use their time in studies and enjoying life!

-------------------------
talking of love notes in school, i remember the amazing innovations some of my class-mates used to adopt to declare their undying love to their lady-loves when we were in school. (obviously i never did no such thing, and i'm not saying that just because the big boss reads my blog!!!)

the most hilarious one was when a good friend thought he could make use of some basic principles of aero-dynamics to do the job. so he wrote his note and converted the note into a paper aeroplane and launched it towards the lady in question across the row of desks in the tuition class.

but aero-dynamics was not my class mate's strongest subject and he had forgotten to factor in the cross-wind and the impact of the bent ailerons on the flight pattern of his love-missile. suffice to say that the missile crash-landed on the maths tutor's shoulder instead of soft-landing onto the lady's heart!

and to rub salt into his wounds the tutor decided to read it out to the rest of the class!!!

touche!

'touche!', she said
with a smirk
and all i could manage
was a wry smile in response.

i don't even remember
when we started sparring
and why and who
had started it?


this is a game i'm
no good at playing,
but play i must.

i'm not playing to win,
for in losing you
there is no victory.
but if by winning
i win you forever,
then losing to you
is not an option!

its that time of year

its that time of year
when tender mangoes
hang in clumps
in the mango groves.

and the fragrance
of the blossoms
hangs heavy in the air.

the plaintive cries
of the koyal and the mynah
rent the air
as they are driven
by nature to seek their mates.

its that time of year
when all of nature
waits with bated breath
with me as i wait
for a sign from my beloved.

a sign that will
fulfill me
make me complete
and rejoice my second life.

therein lies
my liberation.

of girlfriends and lovers

our son is suddenly interested in girl-friends. he's all of 7.5!

it happened at the dining table and in the middle of his description of some arcane cricket fundas. he suddenly asks his mother, 'mom, who is a girlfriend? isn't it just a friend who's a girl? thats what i told k (another boy in the complex who's one year older) but he told me that a girlfriend is someone you love'! before the big boss could allow this to sink in and collect her wits to come up with some meaningful response, he had already moved on and was asking her if she knew who played 6 down after chaminda vaas the sri-lankan one day cricket team!

big boss and i looked at each other and raised eye-brows :)

he brought it up with her again soon after. and asked her the same question. he's also been getting curious lately about marriage!

this time the big boss was much better prepared and she patiently explained to him that he was right when he said that girlfriends are only friends who happen to be girls. but once people get to a marriageable age, then they might develop a special relationship with a girlfriend and then want to marry her. this explanation seems to have resolved whatever doubts he had internally because he is now back to his non-stop chatter about all things cricket!

i have this theory (actually everybody has the same theory, so its no big deal!) that girls grow much faster and are a lot smarter than guys at that (its a different matter that they remain smarter for the rest of their lives. but thats not the point i am making here, so don't bring it up and confuse the issue here). and i saw concrete evidence of this fact in the same week the above conversation took place.

i saw two young girls, who are my son's age, playing badminton while i was on my way to the garden in our complex. i saw them suddenly stop, point, whisper and giggle. i innocently asked them what they were up to. one of them, without missing a beat, said 'nothing uncle' (please ignore the 'uncle' reference here) and moved away. the second came up to me and said in a conspirational tone, 'we were looking at that boyfriend and girlfriend. we see all of them but watch from a distance.'

that's when it hit me that these girls were aeons ahead of my son (and i think this would true of most boys of his age) about their understanding of friends and lovers and the distinction.

anguish

have you experienced
anguish before?
i am sure you haven't.
not the kind of anguish
i'm talking about.

the kind which
rubs your nerve-ends raw,
gut-wrenching.
and every breath
a painful reminder.

while i wait
for a glimpse,
a whisper,
some clue.

anything that would help
me get through this day
and make it to the next.
with a dream to span
the night.

inspired living!

i am thick-skinned... nothing shakes me. (the boss prefers to be more direct and says i am incorrigible and hopeless! )

i used to be a skinny guy in school. and i used to be embarrassed with my own body. and i used to keep fantasising about putting on a few kilos. and i did :)

well, maybe more than a few kilos. but i'm still proud of myself. it took a lot of hard work... eating, sleeping, lazing around, and not exercising....

the big boss kept trying to pierce through the thick skin with well aimed barbs about the bad shape i was in! i even agreed to wal every morning if she gave me company since i am pathetic company to myself! and this just didn't work out, which suited me just fine :P

and then disaster struck! and how!!!

my daughter, all of 3.5 years, and my own flesh and blood made the unkindest cut! oh how can i ever live this down? let me explain and then you will surely sympathise with me!

my daughter is friends with another girl in our complex where she spends time almost every other day. (her parents are good friends). they were expecting their second baby and the expectant mother was visibly pregnant.

now my daughter's friend, with a lot of pride in her voice, announced that her mama's tummy is big because there's a baby in it. and my daughter (oh the shame of it!), not one to be left behind, promptly piped up and said that we too are having a baby because my papa's tummy is also big! and this is in the presence of my friends. well you can imagine the ir reaction to this announcement. and then this obviously reached the big boss' ears who lost no time in relaying the news to me.

and she expected me to see the humor in this situation!!!

well, that broke me and my resolve completely!

its been about two weeks now that i have started walking every morning with the same friend who gives me company. (so i don't even the excuse of not having company)

second chance

how many second chances
do i get to start afresh?
why do i not get it right
the first time around?

four nights
and three days
i burned in hell
before i could admit
to myself

that i need you more
than you need me.
and it would take me
seven lives before i am
freed from your clutches

and that is what
gets my goat!

inexplicable

this morning i woke up
to a completely new world
from the wrong side of my bed
and saw a new face in the mirror!

and had no clue if
i was dreaming or
if i had just woken up?

am i sleep deprived?

i think i must be 'sleep-deprived'!

no i don't draw this conclusion based on my the intelligence levels of my conversations or the topics of my posts. but most people tell me that i must be sleep-deprived. but for most part of my life (which is quite a bit.... but i am not about to tell you) i have always been up so late that i'm convinced that i'm a direct descendant of an owl!

staying up until 1 or 2 am everyday was understandable during your college days which meant that you were carefree and footloose. either that or you were up pining for some girl in college and you were sitting up all night scheming on how you are going to pass on your 'love letter' to her the next day! you did this for a couple of weeks after which the letter seemed a bit lame and so you drafted another passionate one and then fretted all over again... you get the picture?

but i still stay up till 12.30-1 am, on an average. and no i am not writing 'love letters' and scheming! i am usually writing such posts or watching some movie or reading a book.

but what gets my 'big boss'' goat (actually many things get her goat, this being only one of them :P) is that when i have to read a bed-time story to my kids i doze off mid-way into the story! it is such a chronic problem that my kids protest violently when i suggest that i read them a bed-time story! they believe that their mom is the best story-reader in the world (apart from being the best mom/cook/masseur/doctor/hugger/kisser/...).

but she's not easily fooled. she's convinced that i've purposely and very carefully built this image that i suck as far as story-reading goes.

but that's not true at all.... in fact i think i have cracked the problem. the point is, the minute my head hits the pillow i feel drowsy! i think i should put this theory to test and try doing it differently.

will keep you all posted :)

mind-bender quiz

here's a mind-bender. can anybody decipher the following message?

"i'm hungry and three and need some done room. can you get of something to numbi on up way good? or maybe u can tops up a quick neck? what about u? u know what i'd love. smart dual. he u order at the deli they'll deliver it good. i'll in good n take a quick shower, bomb my hair n them get ready for my neck. i want u to john of for an enjoyable neck."

(hint : assume this was an sms from a technologically-challenged hubby to his wife on his way back from work.)

---------------

ok, here's the solution :

I'm hungry and TIRED and need some FOOD SOON. Can you get me something to MUNCH on UR way home? Or maybe u can TOSS up a quick MEAL? What about u? U know what I'd love. ROAST DUCK. IF u order at the deli they'll deliver it HOME. I'll GO HOME n take a quick shower, COMB my hair n then get ready for my MEAL. I want u to JOIN ME for an enjoyable MEAL.

(solved using predictive text option on a nokia phone :P )

ziah cracked it fully (almost!). and the people who came close were prats, thinking aloud, and tys on ice. the funny versions were from gazal and preethi! and some of the others who wrote in include ~nm, swati, and jayashri.

let's all hear it for ziah! (there ziah, you just got your prize! i'm such a cheapo :P )

thanks for participating. that was fun! now let me think up something equally inane in another post :P

pssst.... creativity in 'full flow'

this post is inspired by 'writings on the wall' by 'tys on ice' and 'why'' by prats.

one of the biggest challenges faced by public administrators in indian cities (and also by the superintendents responsible for cleanliness in trains and by the members of the 'cleanliness' committees in countless housing societies) across the vast indian sub-continent is the scourge of defacement of public property. specifically the literary outpourings of sundry love-struck romeos on numerous walls that stand stoically while such above-mentioned mischief is being perpetrated!

while i whole-heartedly agree with the view that defacement should be discouraged and that such defilers should be penalised, i cannot help but appreciate some of the most humorous and insightful messages that i have come across over time. in fact, there is also a branch of graffiti including street/sidewalk drawings which is viewed as art.

the majority of the graffiti that we see all around us (lifts/elevators, public bathrooms, public transportation) can be classified as lewd and 'not for family viewing'. but the best graffiti are the pithy, humorous and politically incorrect messages that are like rare gems.

one of the best examples that i have come across (on the net) was about a line scrawled in a men's room which read : 'marie, if you can read this, its all over between us!'

and graffiti in school bathrooms sometimes aptly communicate the not-so-kindly feelings of the students towards their teachers. one of the best i came across reads - drive carefully - don't kill a child. wait for teacher.

sometimes the angst felt by the student community to the prevailing political situation also is reflected in these scrawls. i remember during the highly volatile situation in colleges during the mandal commission protests reading a message in my college men's room - (next to a line drawn horizontally) if you can reach this line join the fire brigade! (and next to another line drawn about a foot below the earlier line) this one is for sc/st!

and there were graphic ones which were usually designed to shock the viewer. some of them did have their humorous element.

one of the classic ones which i used to find in most schools and colleges was the one where you were asked to follow the arrows drawn in front of you while you were relieving yourself and which progressed up to the ceiling and even behind you sometimes. and then right at the end there is a line which says - watch out you fool! you are tinkling on your shoes!

so i guess i must confess here that i am a fan of graffitti and the pithy humor and wisdom most of them hold. but i prefer grafitti which doesn't deface public property. i prefer them on unused surfaces or on t-shirts and websites :)

p.s. i always used to wonder whether the girls in school (and the women in general) were as expressive and creative on the walls and doors of ladies' rooms? (i remember reading an article about men getting 'creatively expressive' on the walls of the ladies compartments in the local trains in mumbai and offending the sensibilities of the commuters. i still haven't come across a case of the reverse happening! i wonder why?)

one tree festival!

i was lucky to get some free passes to the 'one tree music festival' on the 9th and 10th of feb in mumbai.

the bands, like every year, were really classy. this year the line-up included joe bonamassa and the robert cray band on the first night. and gold spot (read what ultrabrown has to say about them here) and jose feliciano on the second night.

what i like about the one tree festival can be summarised as follows -

1. the music is not for kids. and so you will find yourself in the middle of an audience which is comfortably middle-aged (or should i say 'right-aged'). it helps when you know you fit the median on the age bell curve of the audience :)

2. these bands are classy acts and not like the used-up, burnt out popular bands which tour india since they don't get invited in any other part of the world!

3. i get free passes every year (i'm such a cheapo :P ), thanks to a dear friend. these music shows (including the teeny bopper bands and burnt out pop-stars) almost always cost a bomb!

but i've always wondered why these visiting bands always get a lot of big-name sponsorships (the one tree festival is sponsored every year by johnnie walker) while local bands and indian classical music have it much tougher?

p.s. i also attended the 'heartbeats' show organised by 'every tuesday' where the six gods/giants of indian music (zakir hussain, sivamani, viku vinaykaram, u shrinivas, selvaganesh and shankar mahadevan) performed together on stage! awesome experience. (and the organisers had managed to get a good line-up of sponsors too!)

suited and booted!

put me in a plane with a bunch of indians coming back from any of the asian countries and chances are i can tell you which community each one is from. if not his community, then i can tell you about his profession. and if i laid a wager with the chinese sitting beside me in each of these trips i would be richer by quite a few yuan! (no matter which flight you are on and in which part of the planet you will always find a chinese and an indian on the flight! check it out yourself!)

1. the software sales executive is usually carrying a laptop and wearing worn jeans and a cool shirt.

2. the senior executive is always checking his blackberry and is usually wearing casual formals (or is it formal casuals?).

3. the punju trader from delhi is usually wearing a loud shirt, carrying on a louder conversation with his fellow-traveller and is guzzling whisky and water like its the last bottle on earth.

4. the gujju bhai is usually wearing a safari suit and is calling up his wife before they shut the door asking her to send the driver to pick him up and also asking her to cook some good dal khichdi and roti saag for dinner!

5. and if the flight is from some gulf nation and if there's a mallu lady on board, then she's usually wearing enough gold to cause some serious overloading on the flight. (they get away because the airlines haven't begun weighing the people yet!)

and the usual expats that you will find on the flights to india are :

1. the tourist on a budget trip and who looks and smells like he's just landed up on the flight straight from bed!

2. the ubiquitous old white man with a young oriental girl wearing a skimpy outfit. and no, thats definitely not his daughter! (i guess i'm just jealous.)


but the person who never fails to amuse me is the tam-brahm mama (an elderly tamil brahmin gentleman) who will board the flight wearing a full suit and tie and the works! but he's either going straight from the airport to his hotel or has just checked out of his hotel and is on his way back home! (i think they do this because most of the tam movies in the 60s always showed the hero travelling by air in this fashion! but i might be way off the mark here. maybe one of you could enlighten me.)

and each of the flights, i have taken, always has a professional rip-van-winkle who can sleep off the minute the wheels leave the tarmac and wake up just as the plane is touching down. and that is i :)

education redux!

this post was prompted by a comment from 'thinking aloud' and a post by amit varma in 'india uncut'.

the most common comment i hear when people (usually the ones without kids) are debating about our education system is that 'it sucks' and that it needs to be completely revamped! and that this system does not generate leaders and that it smothers the creativity of the children!

i beg to differ!

school days were the best days of my life! though i used to count down to my vacations when in school and then count down for the first day of school during my vacations.

and we learnt our lessons in life, both, inside and outside school. and the manner in which we learnt most of the basic concepts in math and science are being abhorred today. but i'll never ever forget my multiplication tables which we used to chant by rote between periods (i mean, between the class-room sessions. that's what we used to call them, so don't blame me!). and i'll also never forget the fact that if the blue litmus turns red then the liquid is acidic. (my friends taught me the mnemonic 'bra' - blue-red-acidic)!

and i remember having this major crush on this one teacher. this was then later redirected at her daughter. you think that was being fickle? well how about this girl who i sent a note to (i think it was poetic version of 'can we be friends'?) who wrote back saying that she found my friend cute! now that's what i call fickle! (just a case of sour grapes, i know. so don't rub it in.)

this was also around the time when i suddenly discovered my love for music and choral singing. i was not able to convince my friends that it had nothing to do with the fact that the practice sessions were held in the girls' convent across the street! philistines and uncouth they were, my friends.

i definitely got a well-rounded education through this education system (though my wife will say that i need to lose a few pounds around my waist and around my head!). and i'm none the worse for it!

p.s. and now the japanese also want to adopt our schooling methods!

the quirkier (not murkier) side of me!

prats from 'Retrospections! Emotional ecology...... ' tagged me and i am doing something which i had promised i'll never ever do! but since this gives me an opportunity to rave about myself officially i decided to break the rule :P

The Rules:

- Link to the person that tagged you.

- Post the rules on your blog.

- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

well, about the rules, i don't think i can stick to them since there's nothing about me that i don't consider important! so instead of playing by the rules, i'll just wax eloquent about my quirks.

and about tagging six random people, i mean why i would them to think that i consider them 'random'? :P

but what i'm going to do is this - i'm going to do a google search of bloggers and tag complete strangers! lets see what happens. and if anyone sues me, i don't exist ok? i'm just a robot blogger spewing out 'random' posts here!

1. i count the steps on any staircase and i try to land on the last step with my right foot!

2. i always lift the plate when i'm at a restaurant to identify the brand! (infuriates my wife, but i can't help it!)

3. i can't remember dates to save my life! read here.

4. i don't like to miss the ads or the traliers before the movies. even in the old days when they showed news reels, remember? its not only about 'paisa vasool', but i feel i missed out something really important. (i think my wife also shares this quirk... no wonder i think we are made for each other :P )

5. i want to try out all the modes of transport whenever i go to a new place. so i've travelled by bullock cart, horse cart, buses, trains, planes, gliders, bicycles, bikes (in some places you can pay people on bikes to take you from point A to B), auto-ricshaws, trams, jeepneys, tuk-tuks, hand-pulled rickshaws, cycle-rickshaws, trucks, etc. (have i missed out anything?)

6. i button my short alternate buttons from the bottom-up and then do the rest top-down!

so there it is... take it or dump it, but thats how the chips fall with me!

ok, now for my tag list :

1. anita bora from bangalore

2. anantha from new jersey

3. jaina from uk, i think

4. Kanagasabapathy Surendran from india

5. twisted dna - an indian-american

6. the mad momma - from bangalore?

lets see what happens now ;-P

am i daddy blogger?

am i a 'daddy blogger'? or are they called 'papa bloggers'? (some, who are not very particular about being politically correct, might call them soppy, middle-aged men dealing with a combination problem of a mid-life crisis and premature balding!)

when i look around in the blogospehere i notice that there are quite a few 'mommy bloggers' out there. so now i know about kids taking their first step, the kiddies day out, the tantrums, and so many other life-enriching details of kids and their moms. some of these 'supermoms' also maintain multiple blogs with one focused only on their kid. and they are maintaining these blogs in the midst of juggling with career, home, kids, family, extended families, pets, hobbies and so much more. (i have this hypothesis that most blogs dedicated to specific kids are maintained by moms with single kids. is this true?)

but i don't see too many 'daddy bloggers'. i mean, there are many male bloggers out there. but then we men are all busy saving the world, analysing the stock markets, dishing out economic theories, discussing the relative merits of new phone/car/laptop models. you know, the usual stuff. our wives are worrying about small details like bringing up kids, schooling them, managing the household, balancing the domestic budget; while we are busy worrying about the fiscal budget, global oil prices, global warming, the US presidential elections and such-like weighty matters.

and have you noticed how most mommy bloggers have some kind of sisterhood of their own. i don't know of any such brotherhood of male bloggers (and i don't think tys' and my new cult initiative with our membership of one each counts)! but have you also noticed how mommy bloggers have a legion of fan followers (and not all the fans are mommys or women either!)? so its not only the single lady bloggers who have scores of lascivious male followers posting appreciative comments and trying to sound intellectual and humorous at the same time. (again, tys and i are excused because we are only trying to woo members into our cult. ladies, did i mention earlier, but membership is free for you for a limited period only? and the limited period expires as soon as i get 100 lady members! that would ensure i also have about 1000 faithful male members too! :P)

but i must confess here that i do tend to keep waxing eloquent about my kids on my blog at every opportunity. which is very often. does that make me a soppy, balding, middle-aged guy who's fast approaching mid-life crisis? maybe. (well actually, yes.)

but the learnings and experiences that i have gained from my kids is something that i would never have had otherwise. and i am leading a happier, fuller life. thanks to them. and if i am called a 'daddy blogger' because of my irrational need to share this with the world at large and get my dose of daily attention and adulation, i think its a small price to pay :)

p.s. let me clarify, at the grave risk of losing many potential lady members, that the pic i have inserted in this post is not mine :(

the chief guest

i recently attended the annual sports day function at our kids' school twice! because the sports day for the pre-primary section was on a different day from the primary section. (click here to see the pics. and don't believe the slander you will hear that i was trying to get the pretty teachers on film instead of my kids!!!)

every year i worry about reaching office late because of having to attend the darned event! and how the financial markets will crash and the country's economy will slip a few notches if i reach office a couple of hours late! (somehow this sense of panic doesn't creep in when wake up late and crawl into office at an unearthly hour, late hour, i mean!)

but every year i only feel glad that i still managed to make it. (actually i should thank the 'big boss' at home for goading me into action with some well-aimed below-the-belt remarks about the afore-mentioned effects on the stock markets, et al!)

this year's events was no different. no actually, there was a big difference. and therefore this post.

there were the usual march-pasts, the drills, the yoga/karate/gymnastics displays, the races for the kids (which actually look like some cultural show more than races) and all that.

but what made it different this year was the choice of the chief guest by the school. normally they call some local dignitary or a school official or even a teacher from one of their group schools. but this year they actually had a student from one of their group of schools as the chief student! and not an ex-student who had made it big in the big, bad world, but a student from the current 9th standard (or 9th grade as my develop-world compatriots would call it) batch!

her name was neha bole and she was a state level swimming champion who had also won at many national level events. this was the first time i saw a school honoring one of their students in such a novel way. by inviting an athlete to be the chief guest at the annual sports day!

i think this sent a very apt message to all the students as well as the parents. about how we need to give due attention to sports. about how sports is important to make our children well-rounded individuals. about how sports can help in developing skills which can actually help even in academics. about how sport can also bring glory to the individual and to our nation!

please appreciate him!

(i couldn't resist doing this post in response to "Please Appreciate Her". those of you who do not like politically incorrect writing, and using humor to deal with serious stuff, please do not read any further. and if you do then it is with the express understanding that you absolve me of any liability whatsoever and that you promise not to sue me ever, on any issue! (just in case you thought you could trip me up there! hah!))

tomorrow you may propose to a man who doesn't work,

but you should marry with these facts firmly grounded in your mind...

here is a guy who is as educated as you are,

but who is hoping that you will earn enough for both.

one who dreams, because he is sleeping most of the time.

because he is less of a human than you are!

one who has never entered the kitchen just like you (and any other member of your family)

as he was busy goofing off and was never around to get into the kitchen,

and was busy trying to beat the system while he would have actually liked to lie down on the sofa in front of the tv!

one who lived and constantly fought with

his parents and brothers and sisters for the past 30 years of his life

but still wouldn't leave and live separately

because everywhere else he would have had to pay for boarding and lodging.

one, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that,

his home, people who are glad to see him go,

to adopt to your home, your tyrannical ways, your constant badgering

your discipline and regimen.

one, who is expected to be man-of-the house from day 1,

while you cook and manage all the household chores,

oblivious to his predicament

as he come to terms with his new-found marital status!

one who is expected to wake up early, smile

share the bathroom, and say the right things every time

even if he is tired and partially drunk.

and yet never expected to shirk from his responsibilities

to be a supporting, caring, loving husband, father and hunter

all rolled into one,

even if he doesn't want to !

(he would rather watch the indians thulp the australians

at the waca)

and is learning the ropes, just like you,

to stop being clumsy and sloppy at all times

and knows that you won't like it

if he is not always appreciative

(but not of the good-looking neighbour)!

one who has his own set of friends, men and women,

but with whom he can't go out with for a late-night movie and drinking session anymore

because the lady of the house doesn't approve and won't appreciate it.

and would welcome you with a cold shoulder and

you would have to sleep in the living room couch for a few days

without the tv!!!

one who doesn't mind you smoking or drinking

but can't say so because you think/know

he is saying it just so that it gives him the excuse

to have that extra drink!

one who is doing his best to make this most important relationship work

cos else he will have to actually do some real work!

one who wants only one thing from you, as you are the only one

he knows in the entire house (or so he naively thinks)

your love and understanding (no regular headaches!)

your unstinted support (no haranguing him to get to work

while he is trying to work things out in his head)

your sensitivity (his male ego needs that regular boost)

but not a single woman understands this....

please appreciate him!

its all been arranged!

most marriages in india are still 'arranged'. as opposed to 'love marriages'. (also click here to read more)

for those of you who are not familiar with these terms, an arranged marriage is a typical indian phenomenon where the marriage is completely arranged by the parents of the bride and the groom (and usually paid for by the parents of the bride). and this also includes finding a bride for your son (who would otherwise not stand a chance of finding a bride on his own) or a groom for your daughter (who has, on last count, driven at least 6 boyfriends up the wall and around the bend!)

and no, i have never come across a same-sex, arranged marriage till date. i mean, there's only so much any parent would do for the apple of their eye!

the entire arranged marriage rigmarole is quite an involved exercise and the rituals and associated customs across different states, communities and sects are far too many, even for wikipedia to capture.

but most arranged marriages begin with the ubiquitous horoscope. if you venture out into 'arranged marriage land' without this piece of indecipherable gibberish, you have as much chance of landing yourself a spouse as a sea-lion has of marrying you because you remind him of his voluptuous neighbour! (no, maybe i wouldn't bet my money on that!)

this is usually followed by a terse, crisply worded matrimonial ad in some leading national daily. each letter costs money. and people in the know are able to decipher the meaning of the ads which usually read like this - "SM for 27/5'9" Handsome Goel boy MBA Rich/ Affluent B'ness F'ly seeks for V'B'ful Edu. Homely N.Manglik Girl BHP Em: axaxax@gmail.com, Mo:98200 xxxxx".

can't make head or tail of this ad? well, it only goes to show that you have a long way to go before you venture into the business of 'arranged marriages' :-)

most of the 'subjects' in these ads are usually blissfully unaware (thankfully for them!) that their carefree days are dangerously outnumbered and that most of the 'arranged marriage' seekers are perusing their cryptic descriptions, while they are innocently out on a steamy date with their boy/girl friend!

the responses to the ads are carefully and expertly filtered out by the wise ones (usually parents, uncles, aunts, or any remotely connected branch of the family tree). you can't have some cranky pervert trying to slip through this cordon to steal a peek at the 'apple/peach/pumpkin of your eye', can you?

the long-listed candidates are contacted and then the BHPs (bio-data, horoscope, photograph) are exchanged. this is followed by another more careful round of scrutiny and short-listing.

and then follow the 'meetings'. (some of the non-believers rudely term them the 'meetings' before the 'matings'!) this is when the 'boy' and the 'girl' accompanied by at least 3-4 members of the family from either side meet at some coffee-shop/ restaurant/ meeting-place to 'see' each other. this usually means that the family members politely introduce each other and then after some small talk, the 'boy' and the 'girl' move to another table out of ear-shot but still under the watchful eye of the elders. here they try to get to know each other as best as possible over tea/coffee/lime juice. both parties usually have a prepared set of queries which they believe will help them instantly evaluate the opposite party and thereby grant them a blissful marital life.

but its not always as easy as i make it sound here. one of my friends told me about how he 'saw' about a dozen prospective women before he made up his mind on the first lady he had seen. but by then she was already hitched! (my wife usually does the same thing when she is out shopping for clothes! its always the first dress that she goes back to, after she has gone through a few dozen options. and unfortunately for me, unlike the disappearing 'lady in question' in the case of my friend, the dress is usually still waiting for my wife! i am so glad she, my wife and not the afore-mentioned 'lady in question', did not select me through this arranged marriage routine! i wouldn't have stood a chance in hell!)

and finally if you have managed to make it through all these rounds and are still standing, and if the opposite party has also chosen to throw in his/her/its lot with you, the topic of marriage is broached. not by the 'boy' or the 'girl', but by the 'elders'.

the run-up to the actual wedding would be the subject of another post.

but as i mentioned earlier, majority of the weddings in india, even to this day, are arranged marriages. and they seem to work, not just for the earlier generations, but even for our own generation. and i am sure they would work for some time to come.